I'm (23f) pregnant with my first child, a daughter. My boyfriend (23m) and I have decided to name her Wren. We didn't tell many people yet. My boyfriend told his parents and I told my parents and my siblings. After I told my sister (30f) she asked me if we could talk and she showed me a list she had of names her and her husband had chosen for future babies. Wren was the girl name they had chosen too. I had no idea. My sister never thought anyone in the family would go for a name like Wren. And when she heard we had chosen that she got a little sad. You see, my sister and her husband have been TTC for 6/7 years and have been unsuccessful with the exception of one miscarriage 5 years ago. Right now they are undergoing some fertility treatments to try and have a child. It's been super hard on her and when my boyfriend and I learned we were expecting we agreed I should tell my sister first and give her time to process. She told me how much she appreciated it and she was sad for a little while after. As well as super jealous. But I understand because this is something she has wanted for so long and it was difficult for her to see me get pregnant so fast. I love my sister and I always want to try and be understanding and not make her feel like sh#t because I'm having a baby and she's still trying to. But when she asked me to please choose another name so she could name a future daughter that, I didn't feel like I could agree to that. My daughter feels like Wren to both me and my boyfriend. We've already got some items with her name on them. We have grown very attached and bonded more with our Wren."AITA for refusing to change the name I chose for my daughter so my sister can one day use it if she has a daughter?"
I know to many it's not a big deal for people to share the same name in a family but our family doesn't really like doing that. Our names might have been used in previous generations of the family but we never liked the idea of two living members of the family sharing a name and we're all so close that it would get confusing. So I know to her it means Wren has to leave their list if I use it.
I told my sister I couldn't change my daughter's name after we had already committed so heavily and the name felt so right to us. She burst into tears but told me she understood. She hugged me and everything.
Then my BIL got involved and he tore me a new one for not sacrificing a name so that my sister can hold onto the hope that she'll get to name their future daughter that one day. He said she has been such a good big sister to me and this would cost me nothing. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Quirky_Lily said:
It's understandable to want to avoid hurting your sister, but it's your baby and your choice. It's okay to stand your ground on the name you and your boyfriend love. Your BIL's reaction is out of line.
heather20202024 said:
NTA - but it’s a hard situation and I’m glad you and sis can speak about it openly. Perhaps there’s a possibility for her to use wren as a middle name? Here we call people Jenny-wren for example, but it could be anything. That could be a nice way of honoring your bond too.
toffifeeandcoffee said:
NTA. Naming a real kid goes way before naming a fictional kid. It's sad for your sister that she has these issues, yes, but in the end not your problem. She asked to change your mind, which she seemed to have done nicely, and you declined. Your sister needs professional help to deal with this situation, having no kids, because your kid will be there soon and she may never have kids of her own.
C_Majuscula said:
NTA. Even if your sister was currently pregnant, you still wouldn't have an obligation to change the name. I realize she and your BIL are hurting, but they are getting very upset about the name of their hypothetical child matching the name of your actual child.
veryfluffyblanket said:
NTA. Your sister didn't tell you that she choose this name before you got pregnant. If she wanted this name so bad it was ok to tell her family about this choise years before to avoid drama. Also "list of names" means more than one for a girl too, isn't it? I'm sorry for your sister but she finally moved on so your BIL needs to too without stressing you anymore.
veryfluffyblanket said:
NTA. Your sister didn't tell you that she choose this name before you got pregnant. If she wanted this name so bad it was ok to tell her family about this choise years before to avoid drama. Also "list of names" means more than one for a girl too, isn't it? I'm sorry for your sister but she finally moved on so your BIL needs to too without stressing you anymore
Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this baby name drama?
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